Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
