people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
