Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's blow job season.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
