spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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