his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
