i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
