Old men and throwing up are my life now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
