why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
