Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
worst night to have a conscience
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
