I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
