dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she peed on how many people?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
