I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
