Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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