I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
