1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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