He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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