:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
