Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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