Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i believe in u and ur pee
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
