Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
