i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
