im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
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when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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