marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
