So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
