I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
