I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
