I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
