If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
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You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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