did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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