I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
