Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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