We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
