Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
