I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
