Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sext me about skeletons
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
