Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
