I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Green mimosas i think yes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Someone signed my nipple.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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