wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
