If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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