How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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