Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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