operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
