My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My penis needs a shock collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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