Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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