You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
