Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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