we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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