In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm passing your future prison.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
