capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
