We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
