It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
