I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
