Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
