I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
