I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
