Pants 0. Shit 1.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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