I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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