a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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