If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
