Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
