Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
