Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
