just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
