I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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