hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
