Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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