i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
