The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You pole danced in your parka.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
